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Tuesday, October 04, 2005 October 4, 2005

Posted by johnisenglish in Journalish.

I’m going to type as much of this in Dvorak as I can, but then I’ll switch over to QWERTY to save time.

I’ve been really happy today. Almost effervescent. Like Dressy Bessy songs. I just feel good. I don’t know why? Not that I really need a reason? I think maybe it’s because this semester is starting to have definition, and I feel like its coming together in a way that’s both happy and effective. It’s like coming over the last hill in a 5k and seeing all the people at the finish line. Even though you’ve still gotta keep on running, you can see your goal and you feel good about it.

Not that I want this semester, or this LIFE to be about accomplishing a goal, or following a plan. I don’t want that at all. I want to do things because they’re what I want to do. But I suppose in short term day to day life I need those sorts of goals, as I can’t always keep such abstract ideas in mind. Things have to be simplified down so that I can turn my focus elsewhere. Then, once I reach a resting point I can pause to remember why I did it all, and why I’m going to go on (or not go on?).

We painted my truck! It was AWESOME! I’m still so happy about it, and it’s wonderful to have all these random people waving and smiling at me all the time. Here’s the link to the pictures (and an amazing video of Drew) http://www.coe.uncc.edu/~jwengli1/truck/ I’m going to paint it some more a week from today, since there’s so much more that can be done. What wonderful friends I have! What a wonderful release from materialism!

Speaking of which, for the past few months I’ve been trying to drop my inhibitions. Since I came to the conclusion that there is no meaning behind anything, only the artificial meaning that we oppose on things in our minds, it’s become a lot easier to do rather unorthodox, yet rather liberating things – like painting a mural on my truck. I always feel nervous about it at first, but so wonderfully empowered afterwards.

On Sunday Robin and I went to the Home Economist, and she told me that she’s treating October as “Love You Body Month” in the spirit of “Love Your Body Day,” and she’s not going to drink or do anything else along those lines. My first thought was that I’d have a hard time doing that, but then I realized that for that very reason I should give it a go. Therefore, I’m not doing any sort of substances this month, and naturally I’m adhering to all my normal stuff like being Vegan and not drinking stuff with caffeine.

But that raises an interesting delema. I take advantages of altered mind states to further understand my life, since it gives me a fantastic chance to look at myself from different and exciting angles. I don’t want to forgo that for a month, I’d be missing out. So, in response, I’m stepping up my frequency of meditation, and I’m trying out a few new techniques, my current favorite is using music to shift my focus around. I’d almost forgotten how much my “sober” mindstate can vary, and that right there is more then enough justification to declare a completely sober month.

Wow, the term “sober” is so relative. The mind is such a strange thing, simultaneously random and predictable. Like quantum physics. yay!

Why am I so quick to create a picture of someone I hardly know in a way that’s so skewed towards what I want out of someone? Is that a sign of loneliness or optimism? Both? Neither? Meh? I don’t think it’s a big deal, but I’ve been thinking about that, today.

I like how UNCC is changing. Or maybe it’s how my understanding of UNCC is changing. Either way, whatever it is, I like it.

I didn’t watch Gilmore Girls tonight because I can’t stand the commercials. I’ll download it tomorrow and watch it tomorrow night. That’ll be happy.

Boston in only three days! I’m going to eat a giant burrito and a vegan pizza. Oh how excited I am! Oh how I love Keith! I’m even excited about the airport, and taking the bus to get there. And doing homework on the plane. Why is that so appealing? All my life I’ve thought doing homework on a plane is fun, even if doing the homework anywhere else isn’t. Flying though the air is just plane cool. Catch the pun? Har dee har har

I love the world. I want some giant, wonderful way of expressing that so that everyone knows just how much I mean it. The inverse of terrorism, it could be loveism. Huge, dramatic acts that seemingly come out of no where, directly affecting very few but indirectly affecting countless many. Maybe that’s what I should do, become a loveist. Or a happyist, that’d be good, too. I would draw bunnies on the sidewalk with chaulk.

Sometime. This month. I’m going to be a happyist. I’m going to do something to make as many people feel happy as I possibly can. How can you do that when everything is so diverse, relative and subjective? I’ll come up with a plan…



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